Back to School

Due to a number of factors too exhausting to list my son re-entered public school this week.

We have hopes for this program. Unlike the school he was in previously, this school uses a block schedule. A block schedule is one in which the child has his core classes 2 -3 times per week on alternating days. The classes are 80 minutes instead of 40 minutes.

We think this will work better for our son. He has ADD and learning disabilities and the fewer transitions he has during the day the better. He is very easily distracted by both external and internal disturbances. There is an awful lot going on in his brain that he will not or cannot express.

This school has a strong administrative team and good discipline. The guidance counselor is on the ball. The school itself seems calm when you enter it.

They use a program called Fast ForWord, which is rather controversial. On the web you will find that it is either useless or a miracle, depending on the information source. I am anxious to see what my son thinks of it and observe for myself whether it seems to help him.

I will continue to blog on parenting and education. I may not be homeschooling for the foreseeable future but I will continue to be very involved in my childrens’ education.  My daugher has one more year of private school ahead of her and then both will enter the neighborhood public high school.  It will be and interesting couple of year ahead!

Resource and Resources

We’re trying something different. The district offered us resource services at a small, nearby PK-8 school. My son goes in three times a week for 80 minute classes designed to provide him with strategies for writing and math. The school is on a block schedule, which I firmly believe is much better for an ADD child than the usual schedule of every class every day. The fewer transitions during the day the better for him. Changing classes every 40 minutes is too much distraction, too much time wasted.

My son has FAE and I’ve heard kids like him described as “Ten second people in a one second world.” It’s very true. He is just as smart as any other kids but he needs a few more second to think before he answers a question. He needs to stop and thing carefully about a word problem before he does his calculations. He needs to check all his work thoroughly. A lot of times he simply needs to be given an chance.

I haven’t had much time to write lately but I’m still here and we’ve discovered some more great resources along the way. I purchased a copy of Joy Hakim’s book “A History of US, The New Nation 1789-1850.” I can see why it has won awards. It tells history as what it is, a story, instead of a bunch of facts. Some of the language is a bit difficult for my son but that’s ok, we read it togther. It’s interesting and helps the student understand the motivations of the historical figures, not just their accomplishments. It makes them real people.

I haven’t gotten a chance yet to really investigate this but it looks fantastic. It is a game designed to help kids in middle and high school understand the many facets of engineering. It is called Time Engineers. I learned about it from my husband’s subscription to Electronic Engineering Times. I’m going to take a closer look and report back.

Next time I’ll have some comments on kids and Facebook!

Make a great day!

Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD) and Education

I’ve been asked about the changes in my son’s IEP and why the school did not catch things earlier (they actually did) . . . SO. . . lets give a timeline.

We adopted my children from Russia when they were toddlers. They displayed no outward signs of FASD and in fact were pronounced healthy by Dr. Jane Aronson, a famous adoption specialist. My son received early intervention services for speech and occupational therapy at age 3-4. Once he got into kindergarten those services continued but by 2nd grade he no longer needed the OT. He had intense tantrums on a regular basis which lasted for hours and exhausted us. He would kick the wall, destroy furniture and bite and hit himself.

His first grade teacher noticed problems. My son had a very difficult time reading and recongnizing patterns of any sort. Be they colored beads, numbers, or letters on a page, he could not recognize and repeat a pattern.  1st grade is where you really learn to read and he was just not learning. He was evaluated and labeled “LD Specific Language Disorder”. This entitled him to “resource” starting in 2nd grade. Resource is small group tutoring either in or out of the classroom. His behavior was sometimes baffling. There was a Thanksgiving play in the classroom and we eagerly attended. He had one line and he was clearly anxious to deliver it. When it was his turn he ran and hid under a desk and began crying and hitting himself. What we did not understand at the time was that due to his working memory problems he forgot his line and panicked. I look back and I feel so sad for him.

Unfortunately he had a diving accident and shattered his femur, spending half of 2nd grade in a wheelchair with first an external fixator on his leg and and then in a body cast. His tantrums worsened. This injury, combined with his LD ,caused him to repeat 2nd grade – luckily with a wonderful, very special teaching team. This also caused him to be in the same grade with his sister.

Third grade was ok, his teacher was frustrated by him but he seemed happy and appeared to be learning. His services continued. So did his intense tantrums. He was briefly placed on an anti-depressant and and anti-anxiety medication.

Fourth grade was not ok. Not at all.  His teacher refused to follow his IEP. He was tested in class instead of separately with someone to read him the questions. He was required to read out loud in front of the class. He came home every day and completely “lost it” the moment he stepped through the door. He began to act up in order to be sent to the principal’s office every day just before the “read out loud” part of class. He preferred to get into trouble than read in front of the class. I tried meeting with the teacher, the principal and the school psychologist. The problems continued. I had two choices – pull him out or go to battle with the school district. I chose to pull him out and homeschool him for the 2nd half of 4th grade. It went very well, he calmed down and began learning. He was happy. I discovered “orthoptics” and took my son for treatment. This involves eye exercises to strengthen the muscles which control the eyes. It worked like a charm and suddenly my son could read. He had been seeing double and was unable to explain it to me due to his language deficits. He was placed on an ADD medication but it was too sedating.

Once again, 5th grade was good. He had an excellent teacher, his services continued, the school went out of their way to please me. My son’s reading steadily improved. We requested that both our children have the same teacher in order to simplify homework and such and it worked out pretty well. Their grades were good. However, my son continued to have intense tantrums at home and auditory and visual hallucinations and he was placed on an anti-psychotic drug. He began seeing a therapist twice a month. We believe now that his hallucintions were stress-induced.

Sixth grade was an utter disaster. The teachers were overwhelmed by changes in the school and administration and that resulted in a loss of discipline and respect within the school. There were fights in class. My son’s resource teacher allowed way to many distractions. Continual disruptions in the classrooms plagued both my children. Their grades and rest results slipped. By the end of the year both of them told me they no longer felt safe at school and they asked us to take them out and let them go somewhere else. How could I leave my children somewhere they did not feel safe?

So – here we are. 7th grade. We placed my daughter in a private school, something I never, ever thought I’d do.  Because of the extra attention she receives there we noticed her learning disabilities, which had previously gone unnoticed in the public school system. She has to work very, very hard for her good grades. The school tutors her after school three days a week in math and Spanish.

My son is homeschooled. He was re-tested for LD and his results changed. I also had him tested by a private educational psychologist and received more detailed information and the FASD diagnosis. He is reading well now due to orthoptics. He has tested out of speech services. His biggest problem now is mathematics. He has a very difficult time with abstract concepts and working memory. He still is not proficient at recognizing patterns. This makes things like learning times tables nearly a pointless effort. We’ve been working on it for three years and he still can’t remember them reliably.  He can perform straight calulations but mathematical thinking is still beyond him. His ability to learn a process, and repeat it the same way every time, is a problem. He has difficulty telling time on an analog clock and difficulty handling money. We have taken him off the anti-psychotic and placed him on a stimulant ADD medication. It seems to be working. He no longer has tantrums or tries to hurt himself.

It’s not that the school didn’t notice. It’s that the schools are not set up to deal with FASD. They treat learning disabilities as things that can be fixed, or at least improved, with enough teaching and drilling. They don’t recognize that kids with FASD may not be able to read facial expressions and social cues. They can’t relieve the anxiety of a child who cannot understand playground interactions  and cannot work in a group. FASD is not something you fix. It is brain damage, not a developmental disorder . These kids need strategies and support, not drilling and standardized testing. They need the kind of individual teaching and loving attention that a public school simply cannot provide.

I wish my son could go back to public or private school. I really do. Homeschooling is a huge responsibility  and although I’ve enjoyed it I don’t see myself teaching chemistry and calculus.

Here is what I’ve learned. We need to listen to these kids because they want to tell you what is wrong but they don’t know how. You need to roll with the punches, you need to realize that many of them hate themselves. They are smart kids whose brains frustrate and embarass them and they don’t know how to cope because they are just kids. They need a calm, stress-free, predictable environment and parents who can remain steady in ridiculous, embarassing situations. They need you to let them feel bad sometimes and have a good cry about their situation but stay near if they need you. They need you to realize that they may repeat a grade, may not graduate on time or finish college in 4 years and may still need your support when their friends are long gone and on their own.

They need you to take care of yourself so you can take care of them. Don’t forget yourself. Take your vitamins, get out sometimes even if you just go to Starbucks all alone and enjoy a latte for an hour.  Excuse yourself, go to your room, and have a good cry. You don’t need to have your kids think you are indestructible. They need to learn that Mom (and Dad) have their limits too. I had no babysitter for years because nobody could deal with my son. I ran away to  Barnes and Noble on a regular basis where I had a latte and cruised the books for an hour or two. It helped. Go to your doctor and explain the situation if it gets to be too much. There is no shame in needing a sleep medication or some Xanax now and then. If your kid is in therapy you may need some therapy too.

Above all – just keep on keeping on. There is a part of me that thinks of all the things that could be different and then there is a part of me that thinks this is what I was put on earth to do. To raise these children. Desiderada says “No doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.”

I try to remember that.

Sea Change at the IEP Meeting

We went to my son’s triennial IEP meeting. Present were me, hubby, resource and speech teachers, school psychologist and district people. It was startling to say the least. First – we all agreed that the IEP should me “math and writing disability” and not “language disability”. So that will change. The testing I had done with an independent doctor confirmed and expanded upon the testing performed by the school psychologist. I explained my son’s FAE and ADD diagnosis.

The startling change was the culture. I was offered home-bound instruction (with proper medical excuse). I had previously been strongly discouraged from seeking this, which consists of two hours a day of individual tutoring supplemented by parent instruction. I was previously told my son would never qualify, the district would never agree to it because there was insufficient money to provide itinerant teachers.

I was offered part-time attendance. Part-time attendance is not authorized for homeschoolers by the NYS Regents  but apparently it is available for kids with IEPs who are enrolled in school (again with medical documentation). I had NO idea this was possible.

I was told they are modifying the way they deliver instruction within the school day. Instead of “push-in” in the classroom, or pulling the kids out and having them miss core instruction, they will pull them out in groups during study hall time and tutor them then. This is what my daugher receives at her expensive private school (she is not learning disabled but still needs some help).

Well, hallelujah, common sense and flexibility are reigning supreme in my school district! While I have enjoyed homeschooling my son I DO hope he can eventually return to the public school system. There are advantages there for him at the high school level which would be difficult for me to provide.

There has obviously been a huge change in my school district at the district office level. I sense collaboration among the professionals involved. I sense that my concerns are being taken seriously and people are focusing on my son’s needs and not the inner turmoil within the school district. I sense calm and purpose and an optomistic outlook. There have been changes in the staff at the school and at the district level and they have apparently been a good thing.

For the first time I came away from one of these meetings feeling GOOD and filled with HOPE. What a huge sense of relief I have right now!

Speeding into the Future

My son has a new diagnosis of ADD (among other things) and we have decided to try medication. He does not have ADHD, where he’s a whirling dervish, but ADD. ADD shows in his brain’s executive functioning, the part of his brain that is the overseer/director. We gave him his first dose of stimulant medication this morning and noticed a difference within one hour. He was happier, more awake, more affectionate, and had started packing for a weekend Boy Scout trip without any help from us. He told us that he was able to remember things and get his stuff together.

He crashed five hours later, which is normal. It’s a short-acting drug and they started him on one dose a day, increasing to 2 doses a day on day 4. He became less able to focus, he was sort of down and irritable.

What he is taking is speed. Remember that those of us who grew up in the 70′s? Yup! It’s out there doing good! I was warned that older kids will sell it for pocket money and it has a high street value so we need to keep it in a secure location. I was concerned about dependence but was told that kids who truly need it don’t become dependent and my son is on a low dose.

We all know that some parents are very, very anti-medication when it comes to ADD/ADHD. I’m not, BUT - Get a real diagnosis from a psychiatrist or other mental health professional and don’t expect your family doctor to prescribe these meds. I’m not anti-meds but your child certainly shouldn’t be prescribed medication that he/she may not need! My son’s diagnosis came from a consensus of a psychiatrist, a psychologist, the psychiatric nurse practitioner and a neuro-psych educational testing specialist. My son sees a psychiatric nurse practitioner with a Ph.D. for his meds visits. She is thoroughly versed in all relevent medications and has followed my son’s history for three years. Yup! That’s a whole lot of visits, co-pays, pre-authorizations, parking fees, time off work and general hassle. It’s worth every bit to get a proper diagnosis for my son.

I’m anxious to see how this goes. Optomistic too! It’s nice to feel that way : )

The Truth Hurts

I’ve been overwhelmed by information lately. Information about my son’ s learning issues. I was undecided about sharing our new diagnosis with the world, but this blog is based on truth and helping others so here goes.

Let me preface this by saying that my son and daughter are adopted. We brought them home from Russia 10 years ago when they were 3.5 and 2 years old. They are now 13 and 12. They are a joy to us and we love our family very much. We are thankful that we were lucky enough to find each other.

My son just received a diagnosis of “Fetal Alcohol Effect“. That is a less obvious form of “Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder“. It results in wide ranging damage to the brain’s “executive functioning”. Children with this disorder have normal intelligence but face struggles with many things. Common problems are:

Higher mathematics
Abstract concepts
Working memory
Organization
Visual-Auditory learning
Time and money concepts
ADD/ ADHD

We always suspected this might be an issue but we were unaware of the wide-ranging nature of my son’s problems. We are spending time adjusting his curriculum and modifying the way we interact with him. This is a very helpful diagnosis because along with it came suggestions for strategies to make life easier for all of us. At the same time it has been a lot to take in and it’s certainly not something we were happy to hear. It takes time to digest this knowledge and settle our emotions.

We know now that our daughter has also been affected and are making arrangements to have her tested. She is having problems with her working memory and it’s showing up in her school work. 

I’ll be posting a lot more about this as we go along. We are developing strategies to make learning easier for our son, and life better for us as a family.  I am anxious to share what we discover.

Back to Reality

Well, it’s been a nice, long vacation. Now it’s BACK TO SCHOOL!

My son just completed his testing for his IEP. They recommend that his IEP designation be changed from “language disability” to “math reasoning and writing disability”. His testing showed us some encouraging things. His reading comprehension has gone WAY up and it was great to see because we’ve put a lot of effort into that. His speech teacher commented that she’s never had a speech student test so well in vocabulary. That’s another thing we’ve worked hard on.

His math calculation ability was ok but his math reasoning ability was very low. Those word problems and abstract ideas are eluding him and that’s going to be a challenge for us because I am terrible at math! Time to enlist his dad. Oh boy, I hope that goes well because dad is a bit disorganized.

Writing is something I can be of help with. The basics of expository writing are familiar and comfortable for me.

The school psychologist wrote that my son’s greatest challenge is his processing speed. He learns everything and can apply what he has learned but he cannot keep up in a fast-paced classroom or perform well on a timed test. I completely agree with this assessment.

I decided to enlist some further help and my son has just had further testing done be a specialist in private practice. I’m lucky that my insurance will cover it under a mental health benefit. I get the results next week and I’m very anxious to hear them. We need to pinpoint exactly how to help my son reach his full potential. Nothing less is acceptable for us.

On a lighter note – we were stranded for nine hours in the Atlanta airport over the holidays and my son, the aviation enthusiast, finally got enough airport time and just wanted to go home.

How to Get Over Your Fear of Homeschooling

I am just bursting . . . with information and posting subjects! I could go on all day at this point but first I’m going to answer a question from a reader.

HOW TO GET OVER YOUR FEAR OF HOMESCHOOLING

I agonized over whether to homeschool for at least a year before I decided to do it. I was terrified of what I/we faced. You see, I always pictured homeschoolers as a group of people who wanted to shield their children from anything outside a tightly prescribed ideology, or slightly crazed intellectuals who thought their kids could learn simply by osmosis. I had no idea that there was a vast community out there of ordinary, unremarkable people who simply wanted the best for their children, people just like me.

Social Interaction

I have learned that the “social interaction” so widely touted to be the best thing for my kids is a joke. Would you turn your children lose everyday with a bunch of kids whose parents you did not know, who you might not like, who include bullies and cliques and who knows what right along with the ”good” kids if it were not a public school classroom?? Of course not!! Would you trust someone you barely know to manage this social mileu in a way that’s best for your child if it were not their teacher? No! You wouldn’t!

What a ridiculous situation! We’ve all been brainwashed into thinking this is appropriate!

The best social interaction my son gets is at his Boy Scout troop. They engage in productive activities which are well supervised and there are high expectations for them as far as their personal conduct. Parents are always welcomed and help teach badges and skills. The scouts make plans between themselves for activities outside the troop. He loves it. He does not miss the nonsense at school one bit. BUT, by maintaining a cordial relationship with our neighborhood school he obtained an invitation to join their ski club once a week.  With these activities, plus just making plans on his own, he get plenty of good, healthy, appropriate socialization. He’s happy.

My daughter loves school and wants to be an elementary school teacher. After a dismal experience in public school we put her in a private school and she is doing better. It’s extremely expensive and requires sacrifice but it’s worth it. However, if I need to I will pull her out and homeschool her too before I will let her receive an inferior education. We chose not to homeschool her for a couple of reasons. Both my children are 7th graders and the competiton between them would be intense and possibly more than I’d feel like handling and because with his emotional issues and learning disabilities my son needs all the attention I can give him in the area of schoolwork.

If I ever pull her out here is what will  happen. She is already in competitive gymnastics plus she swims and skis. I would either find a Girl Scout troop for her or she would join more sports teams. She has always wanted to be a Girl Scout but her athletic  activities take up so much time outside of school there just hasn’t been room in her schedule. Girl Scouts these days sure is different than in my time (the 1960s). Today they go rock climbing and spelunking and orienteering. I’ve seen them beat the Boy Scouts.

But I really haven’t addressed the subject of how to get over fear of homeschooling. As they say, Just Do It. That’s right! Just jump on in. Homeschooling does not need to be a permanent situation, you can ALWAYS put your kids back in public school if it doesn’t work out. The schools have to take them back at any time!

I did not “get over” my fear, it gradually went away as I saw my son learning, relaxing, and enoying his life. The fact is homeschooling is not right for every kid or every family and there is no way to know unless you try it. There is no shame in deciding it isn’t your cup of tea either! I’ve seen people try it and decide it’s not right for them, and re-enroll their child in school. Nobody at school gloated or offered any comment, they simply welcomed the children back.

Don’t be afraid of the opinions of friends and relatives. Mine have been mostly supportive, if a bit surprised. Some think I’m a saint (Who, me?) Some think I”m nuts and that’s ok.  I really don’ t care if they approve. When it comes to my child other people’s opinions mean nothing to me if I know what’s right in my heart.

Yes I was afraid to homeschool and I stressed out terribly about whether to homeschool or not and it was needless stress. I don’t think that stress can really be avoided though, do you? It just means you really care. I say give homeschooling a try. The majority of us find success and better relationships with our children.

Well, I’ve gotta go. My son is working on magnetism experiements and I have to help him out. It’s a fun day today!

Constructivist Math

Here is a link to a great video. It explains, in plain language and with examples, the “constructivist” math programs hindering our special education students (and many others).  Investigations Math, taught in our local public school system, was a disaster for both of my children but especially my son. I am now teaching my homeschooled son pre-algebra  in conjunction with mastering long division and fractions, and having great success with traditional methods. My daughter, who is in a private school, is being tutored after school so she can catch up. From the time they were in 4th grade they were bringing home work we could not understand or help them with and we have 3 degrees between us, two in engineering. I argued against these programs for years without success and they are still being used.

There is much disagreement about these programs and I know that some homeschooling parents use Everyday Math and consider it a success.  These programs have been anything but for us.

If you’d like to understand more – just watch the video.

Our Childrens’ Privacy

I read this NY Times article today on middle schoolers and medical privacy. If there is one thing I’ve learned it’s that my two middle schoolers value their privacy more than their iPods. A closed door is inviolable.

Many of us who are schooling a child with learning disabilities also have those children seeing medical professionals on a regular basis. My son sees a therapist for anxiety issues every couple of weeks and it’s been indispensible for us. I’ve always made it clear to him that he can talk to his therapist (or his family doctor) ALONE and that his therapist does not have to tell me ANYTHING that was said. Of course we’ve told him that if he is in danger the therapist has to tell someone. I offer my son time alone at each visit and although he usually prefers to have me there in the room there are times he wants me to wait outside.

What has surprised me is that I haven’t worried about what is being discussed. I have this theory that if my child knows he can talk to someone else, and it’s ok with me, he’s more likely to then talk to ME or his dad. I figure sometimes they are “testing” their thoughts out on a neutral adult before they confide in us. 

I’m very comfortable with my children’s medical privacy at this point and I trust our current doctors to handle it responsibly. As much as I’ve always tried to be completely open and supportive with my kids there are times when they probably won’t confide in me. That’s just the way it is. 

If you are a parent of a middle schooler I’d give some thoughts to this. Are you comfortable with your doctor? Comfortable enough to let your children have a private conversation with them and not pry afterwards?  Is the closed door between you and your child still inviolable when a doctor is on the other side with them?