How to Get Over Your Fear of Homeschooling

I am just bursting . . . with information and posting subjects! I could go on all day at this point but first I’m going to answer a question from a reader.

HOW TO GET OVER YOUR FEAR OF HOMESCHOOLING

I agonized over whether to homeschool for at least a year before I decided to do it. I was terrified of what I/we faced. You see, I always pictured homeschoolers as a group of people who wanted to shield their children from anything outside a tightly prescribed ideology, or slightly crazed intellectuals who thought their kids could learn simply by osmosis. I had no idea that there was a vast community out there of ordinary, unremarkable people who simply wanted the best for their children, people just like me.

Social Interaction

I have learned that the “social interaction” so widely touted to be the best thing for my kids is a joke. Would you turn your children lose everyday with a bunch of kids whose parents you did not know, who you might not like, who include bullies and cliques and who knows what right along with the ”good” kids if it were not a public school classroom?? Of course not!! Would you trust someone you barely know to manage this social mileu in a way that’s best for your child if it were not their teacher? No! You wouldn’t!

What a ridiculous situation! We’ve all been brainwashed into thinking this is appropriate!

The best social interaction my son gets is at his Boy Scout troop. They engage in productive activities which are well supervised and there are high expectations for them as far as their personal conduct. Parents are always welcomed and help teach badges and skills. The scouts make plans between themselves for activities outside the troop. He loves it. He does not miss the nonsense at school one bit. BUT, by maintaining a cordial relationship with our neighborhood school he obtained an invitation to join their ski club once a week.  With these activities, plus just making plans on his own, he get plenty of good, healthy, appropriate socialization. He’s happy.

My daughter loves school and wants to be an elementary school teacher. After a dismal experience in public school we put her in a private school and she is doing better. It’s extremely expensive and requires sacrifice but it’s worth it. However, if I need to I will pull her out and homeschool her too before I will let her receive an inferior education. We chose not to homeschool her for a couple of reasons. Both my children are 7th graders and the competiton between them would be intense and possibly more than I’d feel like handling and because with his emotional issues and learning disabilities my son needs all the attention I can give him in the area of schoolwork.

If I ever pull her out here is what will  happen. She is already in competitive gymnastics plus she swims and skis. I would either find a Girl Scout troop for her or she would join more sports teams. She has always wanted to be a Girl Scout but her athletic  activities take up so much time outside of school there just hasn’t been room in her schedule. Girl Scouts these days sure is different than in my time (the 1960s). Today they go rock climbing and spelunking and orienteering. I’ve seen them beat the Boy Scouts.

But I really haven’t addressed the subject of how to get over fear of homeschooling. As they say, Just Do It. That’s right! Just jump on in. Homeschooling does not need to be a permanent situation, you can ALWAYS put your kids back in public school if it doesn’t work out. The schools have to take them back at any time!

I did not “get over” my fear, it gradually went away as I saw my son learning, relaxing, and enoying his life. The fact is homeschooling is not right for every kid or every family and there is no way to know unless you try it. There is no shame in deciding it isn’t your cup of tea either! I’ve seen people try it and decide it’s not right for them, and re-enroll their child in school. Nobody at school gloated or offered any comment, they simply welcomed the children back.

Don’t be afraid of the opinions of friends and relatives. Mine have been mostly supportive, if a bit surprised. Some think I’m a saint (Who, me?) Some think I”m nuts and that’s ok.  I really don’ t care if they approve. When it comes to my child other people’s opinions mean nothing to me if I know what’s right in my heart.

Yes I was afraid to homeschool and I stressed out terribly about whether to homeschool or not and it was needless stress. I don’t think that stress can really be avoided though, do you? It just means you really care. I say give homeschooling a try. The majority of us find success and better relationships with our children.

Well, I’ve gotta go. My son is working on magnetism experiements and I have to help him out. It’s a fun day today!

Our Childrens’ Privacy

I read this NY Times article today on middle schoolers and medical privacy. If there is one thing I’ve learned it’s that my two middle schoolers value their privacy more than their iPods. A closed door is inviolable.

Many of us who are schooling a child with learning disabilities also have those children seeing medical professionals on a regular basis. My son sees a therapist for anxiety issues every couple of weeks and it’s been indispensible for us. I’ve always made it clear to him that he can talk to his therapist (or his family doctor) ALONE and that his therapist does not have to tell me ANYTHING that was said. Of course we’ve told him that if he is in danger the therapist has to tell someone. I offer my son time alone at each visit and although he usually prefers to have me there in the room there are times he wants me to wait outside.

What has surprised me is that I haven’t worried about what is being discussed. I have this theory that if my child knows he can talk to someone else, and it’s ok with me, he’s more likely to then talk to ME or his dad. I figure sometimes they are “testing” their thoughts out on a neutral adult before they confide in us. 

I’m very comfortable with my children’s medical privacy at this point and I trust our current doctors to handle it responsibly. As much as I’ve always tried to be completely open and supportive with my kids there are times when they probably won’t confide in me. That’s just the way it is. 

If you are a parent of a middle schooler I’d give some thoughts to this. Are you comfortable with your doctor? Comfortable enough to let your children have a private conversation with them and not pry afterwards?  Is the closed door between you and your child still inviolable when a doctor is on the other side with them?

Things I Never Thought I’d Do

I’ve learned to never say never when you are a parent. I never thought I’d homeschool. Homeschoolers were nuts! Me, homeschool? I’d have to lose my mind first. Besides, I had a job and a business to run.

Then I adopted a son with learning differences and a very bright mind. Public school helped me get a proper diagnosis and start speech and occupational therapy and resource services. It also frustrated him tremendously. His auditory discrimination difficulties made listening in a noisy environment impossible. His anxiety issues made bullies into terrorists. His speech made him the target of taunts. As much as teachers tried to prevent the bullying kids will manage to get their digs in. It happens on the playground, in the lunch line, in the restroom. The higher-ups in the district coddled the bullies, placed them back in school after expulsion, refused to suspend them, etc. etc. One bully kicked my son in his recently healed broken leg and threatened to break it again. He further threatened my son that if he “told” the bully would go home and kill himself and his suicide would be MY son’s fault. This child was allowed to remain in my son’s class.

One teacher had my son read out loud to the class at the end of the day when he was already tired. My son’s response was to get himself sent the principal’s office every day in order to avoid reading. The teacher failed to put 2 and 2 together and realize what was going on. He violated the IEP by testing my son in the classroom instead of separately with his accomodations. He said he did it because he wanted to see for himself if my son could do it. That was NOT his call to make. How arrogant of him!

Eventually my son simply disengaged and stopped trying. Who could blame him?!  In our area there are no specialized schools, either public or private, which could help him.  At first, homeschooling terrified me. Could I do it? Would he learn more? Would he cooperate?

The answer to all of that was YES! He is learning more because he is not distracted, he is not stressed out. I can concentrate on what he need help with most, which is ELA. I take him into school 3 times a week for speech therapy and the rest of the time he comes to my office. He has a desk next to mine with all the assistive technologies he needs. He stays in touch with his friends through the Boy Scouts, where we are lucky to have found a liberal, inclusive troop. He may remain homeschooled for the rest of his school career. He is happy, healthy, and most of all LEARNING! I never thought I’d put my daughter in a private school either, but that’s a subject for another day.

Never say never.